Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
