So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
