the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
