Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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