my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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