6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
