Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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