yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
