I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
