Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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