i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
