Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize