i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize