that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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