so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
