my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
