Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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