Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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