Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
