1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
