The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
