The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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