Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
