So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
