Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
