Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
