who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
