I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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