You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
