What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
