My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
