I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
