So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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