If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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