he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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