I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
