I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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