I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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