I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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