this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
