My balls are so social today.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
