i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
