you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
