my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
