I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
