Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
