Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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