It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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