So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
