By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize