i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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