Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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