Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
