wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
