There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
