Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
