guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
