I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
