I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
