I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
