oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
