ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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