you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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