Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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