Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
