Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
