over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
