Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
