I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
