She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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