my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
