he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
