I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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