just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think my moral compass just broke
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
