Soap is not a condiment
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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