omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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